I’ve been reflecting over recent weeks on how much the medical things of my life have faded into the background and how much the things of God are to the forefront every day now. I continue in ‘maintenance’ chemo but the response has been remarkable with what the oncologist calls a highly unusual response. The enlarged lymph nodes continue to shrink. Amazing and all of the Lord! I’ve had 3 scans now that have shown positive shrinkage. All is going in the right direction. Perhaps that has helped to focus on what the Lord is doing in this stage of what now appears to be my healing journey.
Over the past years I have been given a glimpse of God that I could not have dreamed of. And all I want is for more of Him!
For years, at certain and specific times, I have had a real hunger for more of God. And that hunger for more usually expressed itself in deep and persisting prayer when I sensed a ‘lack’ in my relationship with God.
Many years ago, I came through a particularly dry season in my spiritual life and was confronted with my lack of passion for Jesus. So, following the Biblical command to ‘ask, and it will be given to you’ (Matthew 7 v7), I began to simply ask for a renewed passion for Jesus. This daily prayer soon rolled into weeks and months without any apparent answer. I could have easily given up at this point but I knew deep within me this was a prayer Jesus would love to answer. I must have prayed that prayer nearly every day for about a year and I was certainly getting more and more desperate to see an answer. I recall one day, walking our old labrador Ben across the golf course onto the shore and feeling I couldn’t contain it any longer. ‘I have been praying this prayer for at least a year now, and you still haven’t answered!’ I yelled out loud across the shore. ‘I know it’s a good thing to ask for, so why have you not answered me?!’ I waited but no response came. I guess, once again, I might have been tempted to give up at that point too except, deep inside me was a determination not to give up…I will not let go until you bless me! I wandered home and for the next few days nothing changed…until..
One evening I was planning to see what I might watch on TV and became aware that there wasn’t anything worth watching so I took myself off to read. The second night developed into a real desire not to sit and watch the screen. I started to really crave quiet and peaceful things. I detested noise, I needed to be quiet. I read my Bible, I read books, I played my cello or piano, I did jigsaws. It felt different and strange, although I still didn’t fully understand what was going on. But the Lord was at work. After a week or so of craving quiet things, I was sitting reading one evening when the Lord spoke. That unmistakable voice ’Be still and know that I am God’ were the words I heard loud and clear. I knew He had pulled me out of my busy, distracted life to speak to me. Then I received a very specific instruction. ‘Read the Gospels’ He said. I opened my Bible at Matthew 1 v 1 and began to read. Within a few minutes of starting to read the most amazing thing happened. It can only be described as reading those words with brand new eyes. I saw Jesus on those pages at a whole new level. New appreciation, new passion bubbled up within me. By the end of John’s Gospel I was so excited about Jesus it was hard to contain. The Lord had finally answered my prayer and birthed a brand new passion for Jesus in my life. And it has been there ever since.
Over the past 2 years or so, I am aware that there is a new re-emergence of that hunger for God. A deep ache within me which never goes away. It is expressed in prayer every day of my life. A longing to be filled with everything that the Lord has for me. A desire to learn more, find out more, experience more of Jesus in my life. A craving for the fullness of the Holy Spirit. I have been given just a glimpse of God that I couldn’t even have imagined and I can only respond by saying ‘More Lord!’.
What are you hungry for? Are you longing for the ‘so much more’ of God? Or are you, like I was, many years ago, in a spiritually dry place where weariness, apathy and complacency are never far away? Ask God what you need in this season of life. Let Him show you what you need. And begin your own prayer journey of asking, and not giving up, until He answers that prayer. You will never be disappointed when you see how He loves to answer those prayers that He first birthed in us. That is my testimony. I pray it will be yours too, whatever it looks like.
Until next time…
Jenny.
Abundant Life Strategy 